06 November 2008

NaBloPoMo 6: The Crip Eating Monster

Today I ate crips. No, really.

Despite feeling like death not even warmed up, I dragged myself down to the Royal National Throat Nose and Ear Hospital to see the surgeon that's going to be operating on my nose and sinuses.

The majority of staff at the hospital couldn't tell their arses from their elbows if they were clearly labelled. Fortunately I do have some faith in the surgeon, even if I'm concerned about whether or not the other hospital staff will be able to get me to the theatre on time. Or at all. He laughed, and then apologised when I told him about my pre-assessment telephone interview.

"What is your exercise tolerance?"

"My what?"

"Your exercise tolerance. Can you walk long distances?"

"No. I'm a wheelchair user. But I can push long distances."

Then about 10 mins later:

"What drugs are you on?"

"About 15 kinds. Where do you want me to start?"

"With the most important."

"They're all important. I'll start with the ones relevant to the condition I'm being operated on for."

[4 drugs later]

Her: "OK, just one more."

Me: "Well, I've still got about 10 different ones left."

"What do you take for your muscles?"


"What do you take for your mobility."

"Erm... nothing..."


She had to hang up, check with a supervisor if she needed me to carry on reading the rest of my drugs list, and call back. It just got better.

"You need an adult to bring you in."

"Why? I know I'll need an adult to take me home because of the anaesthetic, but why to bring me in?"

"It is because you are a wheelchair user."

"What? I'm a big grown up 29 year old, I can get myself to the hospital."

"You live alone!?!?!?"

So my surgeon sent me up to pre-assessment in person to redo the interview on the basis that my info was written down by an idiot.

I'm still all viral and achy and tired and bleurgh. By the time I got home I just wanted to sleep. But I was starving and too exhausted and utterly spoonless to cook, so I went to grab some grub from the café round the corner. I was so hungry that I couldn't even face the 5 minute wait for a jacket potato to be delivered to my table, so I turned to the crisps rack behind me...

When I noticed they were selling Crips

I had to.

There are some fantastic quotes on their site... "Crips are everywhere!" being possibly my personal favourite.

Don't understand the whole animal advertising thing though. My Sea Salt & Balsamic Vinegar Crips had a picture of 2 dogs on the packet. Neither of them were in a doggie wheelchair. False advertising, that's what it is. I want to know what's inside my packet of fake crisps from looking at the packet. Yes, Crips should be advertised by real crips.

1 comment:

  1. Did that woman really work there or did a mental patient get to the phone?

    That website creeps me out. Badgers with pants?? I don't think so.