08 July 2004

People have been Emailing me having noticed my absence! I'm genuinely surprised and quite thrilled. I'd like to thank everyone for all the lovely Emails I've been getting about my blog recently. Unfortunately, they've been so good for my ego that I couldn't get my head out of my (extremely narrow) bedroom doorway. Hence the lack of updates. Or something like that.

I've been learning a lot in this last week. Possibly the most important lesson I've learnt is that my shower room floor is far more slippery than it looks. Unfortunately, whilst learning this, I was caught up in the process of breaking my big toe. This in fact served to be eductional on two levels. Not only did I learn that using the shower is inevitably going to kill me, I've also had a refresher course in "Alcohol really is the worlds best pain killer."

I've also had an evolutionary lesson this week. On Monday evening whilst waiting to cross Marylebone Road outside Baker Street station, I met a man who deserves a Darwin Award. It would appear that the sight of someone in a wheelchair at a pedestrian crossing was too much to bear. He felt the need to fling himself out in front of traffic in order to stop it for me. Clearly no-one ever taught him what the purpose of those red, amber and green lights is. If he thinks they're just decorative, London must look so pretty to him.

It was a crossing where I had to cross and then cross again. At the second crossing he bent over and said in my ear "It's safe for you to cross this time." I'm so glad he did that because I did skive school the day we were taught the Green Cross Code (perhaps explains why I feel nothing about men in lycra), and having only been driving a car for 9 years, I've still not grasped the concept of road safety.

Other academic areas I have explored within the last week have included social skills. Most notably, my own. Lack of that is. If anyone has seen my ability to initiate a conversation lying round somewhere, could they please return it to it's owner? I think it was last seen in a pub in Soho last Thursday. I've also developed an annoying habit of saying something that people around me all find hilarious, but quickly changing the mood by coming up behind with the phrase "no, actually, it's true." Perhaps it's a good thing that I've misplaced the skills required to initiate a conversation as when I end up involved in one by chance I don't have the abilities to say anything appropriate.

I have had a minor brush with celebrity this week. By "minor brush" I literally mean 'My First Toothbrush'. See, I've also this week taken a refresher course in selective hypochondria. Within the past 7 days I've contended with a broken toe, the joint pain I have fairly often in my ankle, but it's severe enough to keep me from sleeping etc, and also the worst pain I've experienced in my shoulder for literally years. All related to having OI and thus something incredibly psychologically easy deal with so doesn't inconvenience me in the slightest, it's just a fact of life. However, I've also had a cold.

So, returning to my brush with celebrity story.. At 4am on Tuesday I was convinced I was dying because I had a blocked nose and sore throat. By 6am I was bored, so I turned on my radio to listen to Mel and Sue filling in on the breakfast show on BBC LDN. By 7am they'd asked people to phone in with stories about the first film they saw at the cinema and whether or not they could swim. So of course, I phoned in and told them that I saw Disney's The Black Cauldron and it made me sick (scary, nasty film + squeamish child = vomit. Lots of). Of course I was asked if I could swim, so, of course I went all bashful and made some "uh, yeah" noises because I can't cope with boasting "well, actually, I've swum for Great Britain" at 7am. But, of course, I mentioned that I was a qualified teacher, so of course I got asked loads of complicated questions about adult swimming lessons. Of course, it was 7am at which time of the day my brain doesn't work so, of course, I came across as ridiculously stupid by answering "um.......". This is why I should not be allowed to own a telephone. This is also why I should never leave my bed before midday, and my lack of ability to speak articulately is why I will never do anything constructive with that drama degree I picked up somewhere along life's journey.

I have also learnt that when I'm updating my blog at 9:10pm and I haven't eaten since breakfast that I feel hungry. On that note, the baby cauliflower and ready made cheese sauce in my fridge are calling me home to do something with them.

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