I'm currently wearing knickers that smell of Salsa Super Noodles. Not a sentence I ever envisaged myself saying.

I should probably explain how this happened so you don't think I'm some sick pervert with a strange noodle fetish.

I live in a bedsit. Is any more explanation needed?

Having my entire life in one room so small has lead me to noticing so many new smells that I didn't realise existed. A couple of weeks ago I made myself a sandwich with Quorn fake chicken. After eating it I left my cupboard for a while. Upon returning I opened my door and was immediately struck by the smell of Quorn. I didn't know Quorn smelt of anything before.

But I never realised that I could bring the smell of Super Noodles halfway across the country on my underwear. On Friday night when during a game of 'I have never' someone said "I have never gotten distracted by Lisa's knickers" (and an alarming number of people drank) I thought they were referring to the fact that I'd just bent over in low cut jeans, and not that they were getting distracted by the strange smell.

Yes. Halfway across the country. Or something like that. I brought my salsa pants to the grand Clacton on Sea, which would qualify as halfway across the country had I been coming from Derby I suppose, to assist my father in celebrating his 70th birthday. But that's a story for another day as me and my noodle knickers have to get back to London with some speed.