I've just realised that in my hurry, I ended yesterdays entry with the sentence:
But that's a story for another day as me and my noodle knickers have to get back to London with some speed..
I feel it important to point out that I was in a hurry. I had not gone narcotic shopping in Clacton, I was not transporting anything illegal, and I haven't begun some amphetamine based diet.
Despite quite blatantly not dieting using amphetamines, or any other kind of dieting technique for that matter, I have been thinking about actually doing some exercise, since my Leisurecard landed on my doormat on Saturday morning.
I'm tempted to start going Circuit Training again. I know, it's probably going to be more painful than childbirth given that I've done no exercise at all for the past 5 years, and when I used to go I was pretty fit what with the whole swimming training 9 times a week and circuits used to make my muscles ache because I'm so feeble. I am slightly scared of that now. I think I may need to arrange a personal masseur.
Any good with your hands? Apply in the form of a comment at the end of this entry.
I really can't be bothered to diet, but I do feel I need to lose some weight. If for no other reason I can't afford a whole new wardrobe, and my clothes are all at pending explosion point.
Over the years I've tried various diets etc, and none of them have done me much good. Even with swimming 9 times a week and going circuit training 3 times a week, I still had a layer of lard. If you poked me in the stomach you could feel I had a reasonably well developed 6 pack... you just couldn't see it because of the liberal coating of fat.
In my teens I learnt that making myself sick is an incredibly expensive way of losing weight. Why? Whenever I'm sick I lose my nasal attire. I don't know why it just falls out, but it does. I couldn't afford to keep buying new nose studs. Still, probably healthier in the long run.
As you can probably tell, my weight has honestly been a big (literally) issue for me all my life. But then, while I was at university, something strange happened. I became proud of being fat. I didn't suddenly have a revelation that "big is beautiful" or any such thing, after all, I'm still subjected to the same media images as all of you, every day, telling us that we should look like we haven't eaten since 1986. What happened was: I got bored of hearing about diets.
Remember that at university I studied drama (well, joint honours with film studies, but this story only involves the drama half of my course). Imagine spending about half your week for several months surrounded by people who can only talk about what diet they're on this week. Literally every rehearsal began with 15 minutes of about 6 girly girls comparing diet success:
"Well I'm on the Atkins diet."
"I'm only eating breakfast cereals, and my jeans are already too big, look!" (cue a massive deep breath in)
"All I'm eating at the moment is rice and beans, and I feel great!"
"This week I'm not eating, and I'm only smoking Marlboro Lights."
And so on and so on. After a while this became like The Four Yorkshiremen Revisited:
"I want to lose two stone,"
"Well I'm not giving up dieting until I'm thin enough to stand behind Courteney Cox-Arquette and not be seen."
"Well I'm staying on my diet until the scales go backwards when I step on them!"
This wasn't just boring of course, using the small drama studio which has no windows and no air conditioning was pretty malodorous when someone was on the "I want to be a celebrity, someone pay me attention!" diet. I felt so smug to be obese and felt genuine happiness when I hoovered down a chocolate bar in rehearsals.
Having now moved a couple of times since leaving university, I've started to leave some of the baggage behind that I picked up over three years (along with my knives and the odd bottle of shampoo), and my attitude towards my weight is becoming healthier again - i.e. I need to lose some.
But it's all so much effort. I remember on Celebrity Fit Club that Alison got this machine that's supposed to vibrate the weight off. Huh. Losing weight and having fun. I wonder if that principle works with any of the eqipment available from Sh!?