I tried talking to God, but he ignored me. OK, show of hands... how many Ellen DeGeneres fans clicked on that link and the first question they asked was "Why are there fleas?" I bet she wouldn't have phoned him if that website had existed when she wrote that routine.

I think I made him paranoid when I told him that I knew that "The anonymous 'they'" are in fact wheelchair repairers.

On the subject of wheelchair repairers and God... a sure sign that the apocalypse is coming (as if tsunamis, hurricanes, floods and Boy Bands weren't indicative enough)...

On Tuesday I had wheelchair repairers booked to come and change my tyres, seeing as they'd become so deformed that my chair was no longer going in a straight line.

What happened? They actually showed up. On the day they were booked to. Between the hours they were supposed to show up. Not only did they appear, but, they brought the correct tyres for my chair *and* they've been fitted correctly.

See? The world is doomed.

I suddenly find myself needing to know the plural of apocalypse.