Insomnia.

10:50pm: I've got to be up early in the morning. Think I'll turn off the TV and go to sleep.

12:43am: OK! I'm awake! Shit.

1am: I'm bored

1:20am: I'm still bored. I'll switch on my computer.

1:52am: I may as well go to Tesco's and do my shopping. At least it'll be quiet.

2:06am: Is that police car following me?

2:07am: I wonder if I turn here if it'll follow me?

2:08am: Shit. I'm on the M1, bound for Leeds.

2:13am: It's OK, I'll use this service area to turn round and head back to London.

2:14am: Traffic merging from the right? Hee. What traffic? I'd like to see that stack of portacabins start intermingling amongst vehicles eligible for motorway travel.

2:35am: Right. Well, I'll just park in one of the bays designated for parents with children, seeing as how the two disabled bays nearest the door are being abused. Hmph. That'll teach them.

3am: I'm in the queue at the only open till, with police officers queuing on either side of me, and the guy at the front of the queue has a fake £20 note. Oh the joy.

3:34am: How.... quietly... can... I.... sneak... back... into... the... house.... and.... get... my... milk... into... the...fridge?

3:37: Yes. No-one stirred.

3:45am: Oooo! Tweety Pie on TV!

4am: Oh my god! The Ant and the Aardvark! I'd completely forgotten about this show.

4:46am: Bollocks. I knew I should've written that down. What the hell was I thinking about. I know I thought "Oh, that's so clever, I must write about that". What the hell was it?

4:47am: Shit, shit, shit. What the hell was I thinking about? I know I was watching The Ant and the Aardvark at the time.

4:51am: Why do I keep thinking about levitating aardvarks? That wasn't what I wanted to write about.

4:54am: Levitating aardvarks, levitating aardvarks, levitating aardvarks, levitating aardvarks, levitating aardvarks, levitating aardvarks, levitating aardvarks, levitating aardvarks, levitating aardvarks, levitating aardvarks, levitating aardvarks, levitating aardvarks...

4:56am: Levitating aardvarks don't work like sheep jumping over a fence. Dammit.

4:58am: Maybe if I try laying completely still... I'm bound to fall asleep eventually.

4:59am: Oh, but my legs hurt too much. Right. Painkillers...

5:04am: I will not look at the clock anymore. I will not move. I will lay here.

7:20am: NO! I've been asleep for about 15 minutes! I don't wanna get up!