"All good things must come to an end."

Why?

"Most good things must come to an end" is a statement that makes sense. For instance, the FOCUS residential I went on last week was good - I have the bruises to support that statement. But it had to come to an end. It's not humanly possible to maintain that level of intensity for more than nine days before you collapse from exhaustion.

A good thing that had to come to an end. Granted.

But - a few weeks ago I discovered while channel flicking that I had Film Four and the associated channels.

I felt a bit like when Chandler and Joey found out they had free porn.

It had gone downhill in quality since I last had Film Four. Where have all the good films gone? And why had they been replaced with My Best Friends Wedding?

I think I felt a bit like Chandler and Joey would've done if they discovered they had free gay male porn.

Though, there is always that undertone that Chandler might actually like that.

Is there a loophole in my metaphor as it would appear to infer that I also secretly like sappy Julia Roberts romcoms?

No. Apart from Pretty Woman. But that's in a romcom league of it's own.

Despite the poor quality of films being shown - there was no need for my free Film Four to cease. It wasn't hurting anyone, it wasn't exhausting, and it had some potential for entertainment. It was, in fact, a good thing that didn't have to come to an end. But yet, upon returning home at the weekend, I discovered that it had.

There are other good things that don't have to come to an end, but for some reason do. Today I went out to buy moisturiser. Simple thing, surely?

After years of trying to find a product that agreed with my skin, I finally found one. Which I've been using now for probably about 6 or 7 years.

Neutrogena's Clear Pore Multi-Vitamin Moisturiser has been the god of facial skincare products to me. Not only is it spot clearing, but it's multi-vitamin... which leaves me thinking "Hmmm... I might not look like Dot Cotton by the time I'm 40 after all."

That is shite of bull, of course. It's in my genes to go on alright until I'm about 52 - and then to just age rapidly. And no facially applied vitamins will do anything to stop that. One night last week, 3 other female volunteers and myself stayed up quite late. One was armed with a roll of masking tape, just because that was her obsession of the day. The conversation went along the lines of "if you had plastic surgery, what would you have done?" and ended up with all of us so covered in masking tape to demonstrate that we were all weeping where our tearducts got over active after we all rendered ourselves unable to blink. It was quite worrying that the masking tape actually gave one person wonky boobs by her waist and a wrinkly chin. Surgery (or even tape) is perhaps not the way forward for her. Though the rest of us could probably get away with it if we used enough make-up to mask the masking tape.

But, alas, it now appears my moisturiser - which would without doubt of saved me from growing old, not just facially, oh no - is no more.

They seem to of replaced it with Neutrogena Visibly Clear Oil-Free Moisturiser. It apparently contains Aloe and Camomile. Why? Where have my multi-vitamins gone? And why Camomile? If I wanted Camomile on my face, I'd rub tea into it, rather than spending a fortune on expensive moisturisers.

It also claims to be oil-free so as not to block pores - but it doesn't say anything about unblocking them. Oh no. It's predecessor had its pore clearing promise right there in the title.

But Neutrogena's Clear Pore Treatment - the staple product of the Clear Pore range is still being stocked by the Boots in Brent Cross. But why? The Clear Pore Treatment is supposed to be a night cream. The Multi-Vitamin Moisturiser being the related day time product promoted. Now what are you supposed to do? Sleep all the time as you're left with just a night cream? Actually... that sounds quite good.

Product ranges - another good thing that doesn't need to come to an end.

Maybe I should just resort to making a mask out of plaster of paris one FOCUS project (this time actually for my face, rather than my left boob) and hiding behind that for all eternity. I could even write "Damn Neutrogena to hell!" across the forehead as justification of my necessity to hide.